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3...2....1.....Rage Warning -By Transman Scott Newgent


 

The more parents I talk with and gender-confused kids I speak to; the more wood is thrown on the fire. As the fire increases, rage tags along like an unwanted younger sibling. It's no use pretending it's not there; more reasonable to turn to the nuances and ask what it desires and requires because in not doing so, my journey will be hazed with redirections because of the laziness that comes with ignoring a truth.


2023 started with a declaration of dealing with this rage that has built a home within my heart. This home, though, has now become familiar. It's a toxic home and evicting a coping mechanism that has transformed into something soothing is difficult. Extremely difficult. You see, most people only talk to their gender-confused kid, and that's it! Maybe a friend they find online in a parental group, but the list is relatively short. For me, these conversations are daily.

 

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If you were a fixture in my life, you would hear me frequently say that strategic sales is a daunting, exhausting career. While this career choice might not be physically demanding, it's beyond enfeebling mentally. Each exchange throughout the day when you are in sales is listening to words, watching for emotional ticks within someone's body, voice inflexions and other cues you must process while listening to someone speak. All of this has to be done instantly, and when you have done it long enough, it's almost as if you have a rolodex in your mind, flipping to the appropriate cards of emotion, cards of facts, and how to inject both of these with whoever is in front of you. Every human has a personality type; when you separate that style from social and economic ties, clues around that person, and other things, you can rolodex just about every kind of person and how to sell to anyone. Once a card is selected, you play the card and watch the sale fall into your lap. It's fascinating, or at least it is to me.


As draining as strategic sales is, it does not hold a candle to the daily calls with parents of gender-confused children. I realized recently that I am creating a rolodex within my mind of how to help parents sell their children the truth about medical transition. Medical transition is cosmetic, doesn't fix anything, and yes, we deserve respect, but nothing about it is lifesaving. Most of the trans I know have massive regret. When you are sold a lie and instead dealt with lifelong medical complications, it tends to click in the huge regret category.


A couple of weeks ago, I spoke to a mom in the UK; this mom was coming unglued and reminded me of a rabid bear circling her cub as thousands of hunters approached her offspring, knowing that death was coming soon to both. It was all I could do to get her to breathe and calm down, and it was a strategic emotional sale, to say the least. But I was victorious, and even though these exchanges are depleting, I've gotten into emotional shape, I suppose you could say. But it's what came after the calm appeared.


Out of nowhere, a door slammed into the room where this mother and I were speaking on the phone. What took me half an hour to calm down erupted into chaos at turbo speed, back to the hysteria of tears and howls. The daughter defined the tears, the terror, and the exchange as hate. "I hate you. You are the worst hateful person in the world, Mother!" I was on the other side of the phone, and all I could think about was how their accents made them sound so proper while they were telling each other to pound sand.


I decided to shock both of them and raised my voice high enough to stop the screaming. When silence commenced, I began to scold the mother. I did this on purpose because it was evident that even though this child did not make logical sense, she felt attacked, and she was. Not because what the mother was saying was wrong but because the mom was right. The delivery was wrong, making her child feel like she was on an island and had no one; it was a war, and when you create a war, you create a war mentality, and all sanity is lost!


Somehow, I got the mom out of the room, and I had this child on the other end, never speaking to her before. All I knew was she was in pain, a lot of pain. I talked to this child for over two and a half hours, and it was almost as if I knew exactly what to say, how to say it and when. It was like a slow-motion strategic 24-month sale that happened instantly.


Most of the children I speak to I have a positive effect. Quite a few have colossal light bulbs, and viola, not trans anymore, but this was different. This was the Olympics of conversations, enlightening, and what I believe was saving this child from something that will make everything worse in the long run.


The conversation ended, and it could not have been a better outcome for this family; it was something extraordinary to participate in. When I said my goodbyes, I beamed with success, "Thank God," I thought, another one saved. As I lowered the phone and took a deep breath, I started to wail, tears streaming down my face; the tears weren't enough, and as ashamed as I admit it, I flipped out and tore my room to pieces, almost breaking everything in it. Thank God again that I was alone because it would have been a bad memory for my children. Once exhaustion set in, I leaned against my wall, and as my legs gave out, I found myself in a corner in a fetal position, looking at what I had just done. It scared me, this rage inside.


The rolodex of this child? I knew this child, what to say, how to say it because I was this 16-year-old, just a 50-year-old version. Everything she told me was what I would have said to a 50-year-old version of myself at 16. The problem was that I never had me, and the pain from it made me realize how lost I was then and continue to be. But as I help more and more people, it chips away at lessons I need to learn myself. It's not easy, man; it is not! If you have been in this debate, you see some incredible powerhouses of truth, but they usually have a six-month window because all of this is the hardest, most complex strategic sales and if you fail? You fail children, and who's ok with that? I am sure not!


One more saved, more introspective healing awarded to me! Now, if you think it's easy to admit this. You are wrong, I do it to inspire you that showing weakness is only for the strong!


SCREAM Louder

-Scott Newgent

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Guest
Feb 03, 2023

Thank you. Thank you. It is too late for my 23 y/o daughter I fear, but thank you for each child you save. God bless you.

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Lorelei Eddy
Lorelei Eddy
Feb 03, 2023

Thank you. You are a warrior without armor, that makes you winsome, and you carry the most effective weapon for the battle, the truth.

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Wow! Thank you for that insight! Well written, well said and powerful!

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Guest
Feb 02, 2023

A Christian warrior who is not a Christian. The irony is heavy my dear Scott

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Lisa Daluz
Lisa Daluz
Feb 02, 2023

Your account of this mother and child makes me weep. I have lost my own caught to this madness. I called to know what to say to her before I let her live with her father because she was becoming so abusive to me while I was experiencing serious cancer treatment for a whole year. Hey father who says he knows nothing about the word trans and is convinced it is not necessary to know. He believes he is protecting my daughters serenity, her essence, soul and world view. My daughter went from they/them to being called him in the past few months. She will be 18 in a few months. My daughter is suffering and in pain because he…

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Guest
Mar 21, 2023
Replying to

My daughter graduated high school a year early and started at our local art school at 17 y.o. She hadn’t really had a social life her last year of high school because she started losing her self-worth and self-esteem through issues with a chat group of people she thought were her friends, but turned out not to be. She started dealing with anxiety and depression so badly that she refused to learn how to drive and was no longer her sweet self around her 5 siblings. The first day of orientation at this art school, she came home with her name tag still on. It said her pronouns were they/it. We found out she thought of herself as non-binary sitting…

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Transman
Scott Newgent

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